How to Shred a Dancefloor Before Breakfast in Melbourne



You’ve woken early. It’s 6am on a random Wednesday morning and you’re wondering: “What shall I do with myself before work?”


Chances are, the answer would normally be: “roll over and get some more sleep” rather than: “get into my lemur onesie and party with a thousand new best mates at a back-alley warehouse rave”, but today’s not a normal day. Nope – today’s a day to grab by the balls. After all, you’re fun and gorgeous and you’re excited about waking up in the city of Melbourne, Australia.


And there’s a lot to be excited about in Melbourne. It’s like the entire population is crawling all over itself trying to entertain and engage with each other. There are festivals and celebrations coming out of Melbourne’s earholes. (If any city can be said to have earholes, Melbourne would be it, and it’s earholes would be filled with music from all the events leaking out)


There are huge, mainstream events like the Melbourne Cup Horseracing Carnival, Australian Open and Melbourne International Film Festival. There’s an incredible creative event called White Night, a spinoff from international art movement, Nuit Blanche, where the entire city becomes a monumental gallery of larger-than-life installations.


Just about every suburb, block and street has it’s own micro festivals too. Johnson Street becomes a river of Hispanic vibrance in November. There are food truck festivals and themed food markets as well as the massive Food and Wine Festival each March. From Comedy to coffee, writers to beer drinkers to brides-to-be and pretty much all nationalities, subcultures and human beings in between, there’s an event in this city for you.


But today’s the day you’re going to turn up for that warehouse rave at 6:30am sharp. You’re got your ticket. You’re already in your lemur onsie, and you’re ready to dance. The horizon warms with dawn’s pinks and golds. The DJ warms up the decks. There’s a colourful throng lining up in the alley and your Rat & Dragon crew are behind their cameras catching the joy and madness. This is Morning Gloryville Melbourne and you’ve got two and a half hours to dance your ass off before you need to shed your onsie, wipe off the glitter and facepaint and saunter into your office to casually answer “fucking amazing” when your colleagues ask: “How are you today?”